Men's Room Personalities

Not just for Delco, but for wherever you read this.

I think you can learn a lot about a guy by what he does in the men’s room. Of course I don’t sit and watch a guy take a piss, but sometimes you notice things that you can’t help but notice.

- The guy who pisses really close to the urinal: This guy looks like he’s trying to stick his penis into some hole in the urinal. He doesn’t want anyone to get a peek at him by accident but his general stature makes him get unwanted looks anyway because it looks so unnatural.
- The guy who doesn’t use any hands to piss: This guy is multi-tasking. While taking a piss, he has his hands free to put on his hips or to make dinner. I think you need a very large flaccid penis to do this, because I find it impossible to pee like this without pulling down my pants all the way. If I don’t hold my underwear back, I’ll splash urine all over the place.
- The guy who puts his hand on the wall in front of him when he pisses: This guy makes peeing look like a painful event. It looks like he's passing a stone or something. He’s also very brave because I’m not touching anything in a public bathroom that I don’t have to, especially the wall behind a urinal.
- The guy who pees two feet away from the urinal: This guy is the complete opposite of the first guy. He likes it to all hang out and doesn’t care what other guys think. I think you need a large penis for this too, because 1. you have to be able to have enough length to actually hit the urinal, and 2. you wouldn’t be letting it hang out if you were embarrassed about your size.
- The guy who whistles while taking a piss: I hate this guy. He’s always so god-damn happy and worst of all thinks that everyone will enjoy his rendition of The Andy Griffith Show theme. Usually people don’t. He’ll get an eye-roll from me if we come face-to-face.
- The guy who wants to talk to you while you’re going to the bathroom: I don’t like this guy either. Starting a conversation with a guy while both your dicks are out is not the way to go. Someone not as understanding as me would take exception to that sort of thing. The bathroom is not for talking, especially a men’s bathroom.
- The guy who shakes his dick 20 times before he’s done: Not only is this unnecessary, but it makes the people in back of him wait longer in line. Three shakes is all it takes – hey, what a great poem that would be!